What comes first to you mind when you hear the word suicidal? According to the definition of Ms. Merriam Webster, su·i·cid·al is dangerous especially to life. Well, I can really say that it is so dangerous especially to yourself. Having this kind of mental illness is very hard and you just can't stop thinking about this mental illness especially when you're having a depression and anxiety.

I am a 14 years old young girl, who experienced a lot because of just having this suicidal thoughts of mine. I, first have this mental illness called overthinking, that it leads me to have this suicidal thoughts and it comes from the point that now I am having this mental illness called anxiety and depression.

Suicidal thoughts is a very bad habit, they say. But I just cant help not to think about the thoughts that running in my mind every night before I go to sleep. I don't know when did I last sleep without even crying. Sleeping with a wet eyes and waking up with wet pillow. I don't know when will I be able to sleep without experiencing those kind of stuffs. Maybe, when I finally made up my mind and choose to die someday that's the time where I'll stop experiencing this kind of stuff.

At the age of 14 I am now experiencing this kind of pain. I shouldn't feel this way, I should make myself happy and be with everyone whom I love but I just can't. When I'm with my friends I'm like a teenage girl who doesn't have cry every night, yet they don't know I'm seeking for help to ease this kind of pain. I'm tired of this unending pain. I'm not sure when will this pain stop or will this pain end? I don't know but I'm hoping and praying really really hard.

I don't want to feel so vulnerable yet I'm so worthless and I'm so easy to leave. Depression why are you doing this to me? why can't you stop Anxiety? and I'm tired of you suicidal thoughts. I do really want to end this pain because I know in myself that this is so unhealthy for me? but how? when this is already what I always do. Can someone please stop me from making me feel so useless and worthless?

I feel so unlove because everytime I love I end up losing them and they always hurt me. It was always a cycle. I thought I'm numb already to stop feeling the pain but that was just my thought because it will and will always hurt you. You can't just stop feeling that way because you have your feelings, even if you always feel the pain and even if you're now numb there will be always a time where you are going to break down and seek some help.

To all those have a love ones, she/he maybe your friend, sibling, cousin or daughter/son. Please ask them if they are okay, please tell them they are enough and they are loved, please talk to them and make them feel wanted, please help them to go back from their old selves, please show them the brighter side and not the negativity. It will help them a lot. Maybe they are not that vocal but they need words and actions.

Please save them from being broken and lonely, that's the best way for them to fight for their lives. We are strong, but when we feel so weak maybe just maybe will gonna find a knife and kill our own self or even will gonna find a rope and will hang our own self. We don't really know when will be our last day because of this mental illness. So for now, make them feel wanted, worthy and loved.